Learn how to feel your feelings and emotions, they say. But you don’t even know where to start. You’ve gotten into a bad habit or have been a certain way for so long, becoming a touchy-feely person, well, it seems that’s not going to happen.
Regardless, you know how you are is not working for you, or for your loved ones. You know you’re not fully living, nor feeling truly alive. You’re tired of being emotionally frustrated and incapable to accessing what you feel. You’re only getting older and more stuck in your ways, and can’t imagine what ‘figuring this out’ even looks like.
When Kristen works with any new client, right away she’s on the lookout for how they speak about Fear. The reason is; however they refer to this core emotion, speaks volumes about how they speak to themselves. It also reveals the core of their issue.
For example, if they say things like ‘I hate fear,’ because fear is such a huge part of our makeup, it’s akin to saying ‘I hate myself.’ If they say ‘I ignore fear,’ it’s akin to saying ‘I ignore what’s going on in my life.’ Not only that, such language leads to emotional issue.
Here’s the deal: Especially if you’ve had an emotional issue for a year or longer, you may be surprised that you receive one or even several dozen payoffs (aka “perks”) for having this issue in your life. Payoffs that you likely don’t want to give up.
And the thing is, you probably have never acknowledged them. Or even know that you have them. Or certainly, know what they are. All you may be aware of is; you aren’t motivated or can’t seem to shake this issue, and have merely resorted to coping mechanism to deal with it, and nothing more.
This is a detailed list explaining the many things we do, rather than feel our emotions.
Scan it, and plan to be very surprised by what you learn about yourself and why you engage in many of your behaviors. Such awareness, is a crucial step leading to change.
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